Late start but here we go!
It's 6/7/24 on a friday, my only day off from work, and I'm almost 5 days sober from alcohol.
Thought I'd create this sober blog while I learn how to make websites and program.
It's been hard to stay focused and on track with how much I work and drink every week.
I know this will be difficult and boring at times but in the long run I know this will be the best decision I have ever made.
It's 5 in the morning and I'm tired but at least I didn't drink yesterday. I definitely wanted to but I made the right choice for once. I'm off to my second job today at Sherwin Williams. It's a 9 hour shift and my goal today is to finish the first week of the CS50 harvard programming course.
I definitely need to set goals that I'll actually finish now that I'm sober.
It's 3AM Sunday. Woke up and couldn't fall back asleep so I decided to just get up, have some coffee, and some stuff done.
A week in and I definitely feel better physically. Mentally I am still tired and not 100%. It's going to be interesting to see how my sleep improves after 1 to 3 months. I honestly can't remember the last time I went completely sober for more than a month. It's probably been over 15 years.
Remember what your true goal is. I want to be happy and be able to enjoy the things I used to like reading, learning, music, and all the other stuff I did before this disease took over my life. Know that you can't be happy and keep consuming alcohol.
Monday 3AM and I'm tired but I have to go to work. Kind of feels like it's been forever already without alcohol. It's going to be weird getting into the months without rather than just days or weeks. I unfortunately didn't finish week 1 of CS50 but I got pretty for. I'll work on some of it today after work.
I don't know if this is significant but I got this feeling yesterday of excitment and butterflies when looking at codecademy' list of available resources to study. Haven't had that feeling in a long time about anything.
A little tired this morning but I definitely feel better than I would if I had drank yesterday. Still finding it hard to motivate myself to do any studying after work. I'm usually too mentally and physically exhausted. I'm hoping the longer I'm sober the easier the days will be after work.
I was thinking that maybe after 30 days sober I might treat myself to a massage. I've never had one and it sounds really nice. That and maybe see a barber for a haircut and beard trim.
Got up around 2:30 this morning. I think I fell asleep around 6 last night and only got up once to pee which isn't usually the case for me. I'm usually waking up a lot more than that. I still feel a little mentally tired butt if this keeps getting better I'll never drink again and won't have any problem with that. My only regret is that I didn't do this sooner.
Fell asleep early but was up way too early this morning. It's going to be a rough day at work. At least I didn't drink. I can definitely notice my physical strenght coming back. Now I just need to sleep better so I can focus on work and projects. I've been trying to stay on track with learning programming and building a website as well as learning to edit videos. It's a lot to take on when you work almost 60 hours a week but I know down the road this hard work and discipline will pay off.
Friday 5 AM. I must have slept for around 10 to 12 hours last night. I was in bed by 5 and only got up a few times. Can't remember the last time I did that. Helps that I had been up since 12:30 that day. I definitely need to focus today and the weekend on studying and learning. I was listening to a podcast taking about what you should be learning for the future. He said since AI will be so prevalent that you should try to find a job in programming, AI, or robotics. I think I'll focus on working towards that goal and buying bitcoin for the next 10 years.
Saturday 3:45 in the morning and I slept horribly. Probably due to what I ate before bed. It seems like some foods give me bad acid reflux and negatively affect my sleep quality. Besides that I at least didn't drink yesterday. I wanted to at times really bad but fought the urges. I'm really hoping I have the physical and mental energy to do the work that needs to be done. I guess I can say that any little bit of work is still a win even though I want and need to do more.
Officially two weeks sober today. Still not sleeping as well as I'd like. At least I'm not hungover.
3 AM Monday June 17th and I'm so tired right now that I don't want to move. I think I slept through the whole night without waking up but I don't feel like I did. It seems the cravings to drink go away the further I get into sobriety. I still think about getting a few beers ocasionally but I know it's never a few and the next day will suck. I really wish I never started drinking so much in the first place.
Up a little earlier than I'd like. The next three days at work are going to be hot; at least 100 degrees. Still not sleeping as well as I'd like but I'm sure it's just going to take a little longer to recover and get healthy again. It's been so long that I don't even know what that feels like. I should be thankful things aren't worse but it still sucks having to constantly deal with any kind of health issues.
Bitcoin is currently at $65,500
3 AM. Slept a lot but still waking up exhausted. Maybe I'm just getting old. I suppose I should start working out; that might improve things.
6/19/24 4 PM. Made it 17 days without a drink but I finally caved. Drinking as I type this and know it's a mistake but I just couldn't convince myself not to. Work was rough today as it was at least 100 degrees and probably around 120 in the hottest areas. I know how much tomorrow will suck but I still can't get myself to completely quit. I'll definitely try harder to take as much time off in between these bouts of alcoholism.
It's never worth it. 3 AM and I feel like shit.
Friday june 21st 2024. I drank again. Two days in a row, feel like shit this morning. Alcohol sucks. Time to get back on track and stay sober. I think I might get a gym membership. I need something that will keep me busy outside of the apartment and that is beneficial long term.
Tired but at least I didn't drink.
Sunday June 23rd 2024. Drank again last night. I don't know why I did but I do know I can't keep doing it anymore. I think it would be so much easier to completely quit if I could just get good quality sleep every night.
3:30 AM Monday. Time to get back on track with my sobriety. Decided to get a gym membership because I don't like feeling physically weak and looking it. Also think it'll Help keep me from drinking.
Didn't sleep well and got up way too early. At least I didn't drink.
Probably the 4th time I've drank since doing this. I think it's going to be very difficult to completely quit as long as I keep working two jobs, especially this very early morning job. I need to find a better scedule; waking up at 3 every morning really sucks.
4 AM Thursday June 27th. Feeling much better today. Yesterday was rough. I think I might quit my part-time weekend job at Sherwin Williams soon. It's going to feel weird having 3 days off every week. I'm excited though because I'll finally have time to rest, study, and work on other hobbies.
Drank again yesterday and I most likely will saturday since I'm going to see family. I really need to figure this out. Other than that I've finally decided to quit my part-time job. I'll be making less but it'll be nice to have so much more free time and I might be able to get overtime ocasionally.
Monday June 30th. Drank 3 days straight. Such a bad idea and I'm so fucking exhausted. Need to regroup and focus on the things that will improve my life.
Didn't sleep well at all. Most likely has something to do with what I eat before bed. I finally put in my two weeks at Sherwin Williams yesterday. Worked there over 7 years. It's going to be weird having 3 days off every week and suck making less money but I'll finally have the time to take care of myself, work out again, and learn to program.
Tired but getting back on track. I've been a little depressed lately and feel like things need to change otherwise I'll just get worse. I know I'll need to make a lot of sacrifices but in the long run it will be worth it.
July 4th and have the day off. Two days off and it feels nice to have some time to relax and get other things done. I should probably take some time to create a structured plan for studying so I can progress fast. I think the best course of action for now is to do free code camp, the odin project, and maybe harvards intro to cs. Just need to get the basic fundamentals down first.
Friday 10:30 AM. Drank again yesterday. Ridiculous how little self control I have sometimes. I really need to keep busy and try harder to abstain on my days off. I even drove with a buzz to go get cigarettes. I really need to stop this shit and be someone that my grandparents would be proud of.
Saturday 4 AM. Didn't sleep well and have to work today. Thankfully I won't have to work weekends much longer. It's day 34 and I wish I could say I've been sober that long also. I really need to lay off the booze and start working out and being more productive with my free time. I know if I don't start making serious changes soon I'll regret it later on in life. I definitely regret the choices I've made in the past 10-15 years. I guess there's nothing wrong with being regretful because if I wasn't I'd never try to change and improve myself.
Drank again. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. I think once I'm done my second job I'll have time to focus and stay sober. Just need time to figure this all out.
5:30 PM forgot to post this morning. Didn't sleep well and work kind of sucked today. I need to focus on not drinking so I can sleep well at night which in turn will give me the energy and focus to exercise and study. Sobriety is the key to your future successes.
3:40 AM and tired. Really starting to consider moving down near Syracuse because there isn't much else for me up here and finding decent jobs is nearly impossible. It at least looks promising down there but I know I can't be impulsive just yet and need to stay focused on what I need to do for now.
3:15 AM drank again. Tired and a little hung over. This really needs to stop I'm too old to do this shit anymore and my body is paying for my actions. I tell myself it's going to be different after this week but I don't really know if that's true. I just need to get enough sleep every night and I think things would be different.
Slept ok. Yesterday was rough and dragged on slowly. I think I need to start planning my daily schedule for my days off to be productive as possible. I'll also include some time for golf and paddleboarding as well. Also need to start going to the gym.
Drank again hopefully for the last time. This weekend will be my last at Sherwin Williams. I worked there for about 7.5 years. I'm glad to be moving on and start working on myself. There's so much I want to do and I'll finally have the free time to do it.
Saturday July 13th. Start of the last weekend at Sherwin Williams. Spent close to a decade at that place and I'm glad I'll finally be out. Today's a good day to start working on a schedule for my free time so I can work on learning programming.
Drank again yesterday for the last time for quite a while. You know you need to quit when you drink 12 heavy labatts fairly quick and don't get the effects you used to. I know now that my long term goal is to learn to program and create a website or app that can eventually make me money passively.
Monday July 15th. Up for work and very tired. Will do my best to stay focused and plan my studying.
3:30 AM tuesday July 16th. Tired but still better than yesterday. I really wish I didn't have to get up this early. Sometimes I wonder how things would be if I never started drinking. If I don't quit now I'll be saying the same thing in 5 to 10 years.
Got up at 2 AM. A little tired but kind of used to it at this point. Work has been dreadfully hot and humid this week. I just dropped over 2 grand on a refurbished macbook pro laptop. I think it's a good investment considering my other laptops suck (windows) and it would be nice to just lay in bed inclined and be able to study. I'm going to sell a bunch of stuff to offset what I've spent and try to be frugle the rest of the summer.
Drank again. I don't even know why I do it. Feel like shit and have to work. Maybe it's time to start looking for a new job. I feel like this job has me stuck and can't get out because the money is decent but the conditions are terrible. The conditions are so bad that I wonder sometimes just how little I could do because they don't want to stir up anything and cause some lawsuit or have anyone inspecting the facility.
Friday July 19th. Almost caved and drank again after work. Slept pretty good and got up at 5 this morning. I'm thankful for choosing to not drink. Now I just need to focus and work on what needs to get done.
Technically forgot to post but I drank.
Sunday July 21st. Hungover and tired. I really need to figure this out. I'm ashamed of this and need to work on staying sober.
3:20 AM. Up for work and tired as usual. Wasted my whole weekend and drank. Feel like a huge loser being almost 35, an alcoholic, and unhealthy with no real respectably job. Really need to focus on what's important and learn to be disiplined.
Up too fucking early for work. Tired even though I slept a lot. Think it might be time to start looking for a new job. It's going to be tough to find something that pays as well but I can't keep doing these early mornings.
For got to post but of course I drank.
Thursday July 25th 2024. I'm 35 today. Hard to digest but I'm getting close to middle age. It's either now or never with sobriety.
Drank again for my birthday. Tired and hungover all day.
Almost two months and I could have been sober for all that time but I probably drank heavily at least 2/3 of the time. I am far too old to be this irresposible. I have goals and am smart enough for achieve them but I just need to develope some discipline.